strangelyobsessedwithstuff:

vialsofbrightforgettingpowders:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN
SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.
NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGESthanks for the tip karkat

strangelyobsessedwithstuff:

vialsofbrightforgettingpowders:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN

SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.

NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGES
thanks for the tip karkat

(Source: sliceofbri)

518,557 notes

67,729 notes

letsgottoafghanistan:

Friend of mine did this yesterday.

“As promised… I just walked into a local pub (PUB 25, Newtown, CT) and asked to speak with the Owner/Manager. I asked if I could leave a cold one on the bar for Michael all day . I showed him the “Reserved” sign I made and explained I wanted to leave him sufficient funds to buy a random person a Guinness every hour today, and that when the surprised patron asks him “Who is this from?” he should reply: “It’s from LT Michael P. Murphy.” and point to the reserved sign. The Owner/Manager was so in tune with this small gesture, he refused my money, introduced me to two men working in the PUB who just returned home from Afghanistan and Iraq with the ASSURANCE that my request on Michael’s behalf would be honored.”

Respect.

letsgottoafghanistan:

Friend of mine did this yesterday.

As promised… I just walked into a local pub (PUB 25, Newtown, CT) and asked to speak with the Owner/Manager. I asked if I could leave a cold one on the bar for Michael all day . I showed him the “Reserved” sign I made and explained I wanted to leave him sufficient funds to buy a random person a Guinness every hour today, and that when the surprised patron asks him “Who is this from?” he should reply: “It’s from LT Michael P. Murphy.” and point to the reserved sign. The Owner/Manager was so in tune with this small gesture, he refused my money, introduced me to two men working in the PUB who just returned home from Afghanistan and Iraq with the ASSURANCE that my request on Michael’s behalf would be honored.”

Respect.

8,664 notes

shakespearelove:

i-m-a-good-viper:

Lesbians:

image

Men:

image

Aaaaaaaand I can’t breathe.

127,922 notes

insidious-effects-of-life:

I just do not know what to do when people say this to me. 

insidious-effects-of-life:

I just do not know what to do when people say this to me. 

(Source: atheistjack)

57 notes

“Uncle, why am I afraid to go under the bar sometimes?”

“Donny, let’s say you have a one hundred pound pit bull and a two hundred pound man. If they both get into a fight who do you think will win?”

“I assume the pit bull will.”

“Yes. It is because men understand the concept of fear. The beast does not. Men take into consideration they may get hurt. The beast does not. The beast only knows attack what is in front of him and does not stop until it stops moving. He only knows that distinctive law of the jungle: eat or be eaten.”

“I understand”

“If you lift like the beast and think of nothing else but attacking what is in front of you, then you will crush whatever weight is before you. You will begin to see no limits in your potential.”

1,216 notes

the-inspired-lesbian:

http://the-inspired-lesbian.tumblr.com/promoted
DID YOU KNOW
Approximately 40% of homeless youth are LGBT
LGBT youth are usually homeless after being kicked out for coming out, or because they left their home because of abuse. 
LGBT youth, once homeless, are at higher risk for victimization, mental health problems, and unsafe sexual practices. 58.7% of LGBT homeless youth have been sexually victimized compared to 33.4% of heterosexual homeless youth.
LGBT homeless youth commit suicide at higher rates (62%) than heterosexual homeless youth (29%) 

the-inspired-lesbian:

http://the-inspired-lesbian.tumblr.com/promoted

DID YOU KNOW

  • Approximately 40% of homeless youth are LGBT
  • LGBT youth are usually homeless after being kicked out for coming out, or because they left their home because of abuse. 
  • LGBT youth, once homeless, are at higher risk for victimization, mental health problems, and unsafe sexual practices. 58.7% of LGBT homeless youth have been sexually victimized compared to 33.4% of heterosexual homeless youth.
  • LGBT homeless youth commit suicide at higher rates (62%) than heterosexual homeless youth (29%) 

96 notes

sknorrblog:

listoflifehacks:

If you like this list of life hacks, follow ListOfLifeHacks for more like it!

ok but imagine a society where all the engineering was done with pool noodles. everything made out of pool noodles. society of pool noodles. 

47,332 notes